they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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