I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
