His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
