We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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