haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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