just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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