I bet he comes in French.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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