Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
