I just pynch a tree in the face
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize