u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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