My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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