from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
