she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
