i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This toilet bowl is my home.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
