you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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