Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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