Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
please come you make the beer taste better
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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