how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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