can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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