Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
