haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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