Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
