what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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