Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
