everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
