New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
