for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
