The maid of honor just puked.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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