When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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