do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
