just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
