so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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