Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
