I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
