omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
