i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
