Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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