I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
