You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
