Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
