twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
