I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
