I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
