Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize