I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
