I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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