in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
