Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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