Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
