Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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