we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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