OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
