i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
