so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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