i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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