Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...

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(910): View more from North Carolina

so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...

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(646): View more from New York

He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone

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(408): View more from California

You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.

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(319): View more from Iowa

My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.

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(236): View more from

I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.

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