Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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