She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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