he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
