If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
