apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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