quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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