I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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