You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
