My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
