I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
