sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
