in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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