Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
