it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
