Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
