Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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