he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
