true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
