You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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