Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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