You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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