What did we do last night that was yellow?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
