It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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