He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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