My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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