Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
