so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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