Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize