i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
