Moan for me like Helen Keller
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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