I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
