This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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