There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
