I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
