i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
