Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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