doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize