The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
