Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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