i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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