Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
