the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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