dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
