She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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