your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
