i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize