Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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