It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
