I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He did a backflip because drugs
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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