When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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