this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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