I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize