Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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