go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize