Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
