I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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