So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just found puke in my bra..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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